MEET TINY TIM MARVIN’S SPIN

Lezard

In an effort to boost his flagging campaign – drenched in tedious corporate jargon and uninspiring political correctness – Labour’s mayoral candidate, MARVIN “LUTHER” REES, has found himself a trade union PR and self-styled Corbynite – “TINY” Tim Lezard – to polish his hapless image.

Is this Marvin’s latest effort to get some electoral traction out on the suburban estates he needs to capture back from UKIP and apathy if he wants to defeat Ferguson’s overwhelming majority among Bristol West’s wealthy liberals?

But is Tiny Tim the man to deliver these estates? A Corbynite mired in the tired old politics and language of trade union bureaucrats? Is it what South Bristol’s crying out for?

GORDON’S WIKI FLOP

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Hapless former Lib Dem Director of Place Making at the council and wannabe media mogul, MIKE “GORDON” BENNETT – owner of the George Ferguson fanzine Bristol 24/7 – has been refused an entry in Wikipedia because he’s not important enough!

The discussion on Wikipedia of why Gordon was refused an entry in the online encyclopedia makes especially interesting reading. “Lots of references to show notability,” it says here. “However they are either false, dead or do not support the claims made. All articles possibly created by his staff,” it helpfully explains!

Oh dear. Perhaps Mayor Backscratch can sort out a local business award for Bennett’s ego instead?

READER’S LETTER

I would like to say thank you for being the voice of small business owners like myself and my husband. We’ve suffered tremendously over the past year and found ourselves in ridiculous amounts of debt. Our shop is on west street in old market and since the introduction of these evil pay and park machines business has slowed down to almost a halt. And it isn’t just us, everyone on the street has suffered.

To top it off, we got a visitor from the council last month inquiring about where we send our waste. So I informed the gentlemen that we have a license with our supplier to take all our recycling to them. He asked that we  provide evidence of that which we did. But he wanted to know where our supplier sent their waste. I said I didn’t know and that was something they should go and talk to them about.

Anyway, we got a letter saying if we don’t provide a sufficient paper trail we’ll be fined £300 and we’ll have 7 days to do it. It was Christmas. These assholes are trying to run us out of business. That’s what they want.

I wonder why they complain that people don’t work hard enough and depend on the welfare system?

RED PANTS INVESTS IN SURREAL ESTATE

Rough SleeperBCC offers venture capitalists 3-6% profit out of its Property Fund for the homeless

Bristol’s homeless are now so thick on the ground that you can’t go past a public park without seeing shabby tents inhabited by those turfed out by housing cutbacks and ever-rising rents.

HRH Lord Ferguson’s response to this is to hand £5m into a joint property purchase fund with an organisation called Real Lettings – consisting of Resonance (a fund/asset management company), and St. Mungo’s housing association/homeless charity.

Big Society Capital, the government’s private investment fund will then invest a ‘matching’ £5m into this property fund’s purchases. These homes will then be rented out to 70-80 households of the ‘unintentionally homeless’, consisting of 80% families and 20% singles.

These new deserving poor are given no more than 2-3 years with St Mungo’s to “move up through the homelessness pathways” and earn the ‘privilege’ of renting independently in the private sector. Their progress presumably being sustained on zero-hours minimum wage jobs?

All this is contained in a public document, ‘Executive Summary of Agenda Item 7’, signed off on 3 November by HRH and rubber stamped by his ‘cabinet’: court flunky councillors Gollop (Con), Cook (LibDem), Radice (Green), and Massey (Lab). The Council’s intention – as written – is to ‘support homelessness’ (sic), by joining the Real Lettings’ national scheme as outlined above.

Much of the document is filled with cost projections, risk management tables and colourful graphs, with sub-headings such as ‘sensitivity analysis’, ‘capital appreciation’ and ‘cash yield’.

And a ‘net target return’ of 3% plus profit is anticipated for the investor, even after the Council, Resonance and St. Mungo’s have taken their cuts. It is explained that this route will be ‘significantly cheaper’ than lodging the homeless, as at present, in private B&Bs.

It is also disconcertingly stated that The Fund is an ‘unregulated collective investment scheme’, which disqualifies it from protection normally offered by the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA).

Big Society Capital is chaired by Ronald Cohen of pensions collapse fame, who along with hsome friends in 2000 disappeared with the pensions of 544 long service workers from British United Shoe Machinery (BUSM). In total, £81 million vanished from three pension funds: Dexion, BUSM, and USM Texon… All faster than you could say Abracadabra.

A comment by Ashok Kumar MP on the unresolved scandal involving Big Society Capital’s chairman is worth quoting in full: “I think these people need flogging. I feel so angry on behalf of decent upright citizens robbed of their basic human rights… These are greedy, selfish capitalists who live on the backs of others.”

But of course, having such a person at the helm investing in a local homeless fund for profit will not be bothering Lord Red Pants or his sycophantic team.

LEGAL NEWS aka Dean Blake’s ‘Crisis PR management’ update

Our man who bothers to pay attention to media law draws our attention to this story on the BBC:

Parody copyright laws set to come into effect

What it basically says is that a European Copyright Directive now allows the use of copyright material for parody so long as it is fair and does not compete with the original version.

And here is that amendment in English law:

copyright law

And what this means is that if Cabot Learning Federation wish to take action against us in regards to their alleged copyright of this image …

Brunel Academy

… Then they’re going to have to take us to court and persuade the judge it isn’t funny!

What a day in court that will be. Book your seats now!

DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #2 THE LAWYER FUNNELING PUBLIC FUNDS INTO HIS PRIVATE FIRM

Con_Alexander

Con “Man”

Step forward Cabot Learning Federation director, Con “MAN” Alexander, who also happens to be a partner in one of Bristol’s many second rate provincial law firms, REALE WASSOCK WANKARDS (surely Veale Wasborough Vizards? Ed.) This former advisor to the WEALTHY on TAX EVASION has now set himself up as a self-styled expert on charity law for the firm we understand.

Although we’d suggest that if you’re seeking quality advice on charity law, you might want to take your business elsewhere. Because a brief glance at the Cabot Learning Federation accounts for the last couple of years reveals that Man’s legal firm has TROUSERED a whopping £214,000 in fees courtesy of the very organisation Man is supposed to be objectively overseeing for us.

And just to be clear, these WHOPPING FEES being handed to Man’s legal firm, come directly from TAXPAYERS’ MONEY meant to be spent on our children’s education.

Of course, these types of huge payments to one of the Federation’s director’s own firms are clearly PRECLUDED by the Articles of Association of Cabot Learning Federation. Article 88 makes it perfectly clear that Man, as a director of this charity, which manages huge sums of public money on our behalf, should not have any financial interest in any contract the charity awards.

It’s also one of the most simple and BASIC RULES of charity governance that directors should not have a personal financial interest in any contract awarded by the charity they govern.

And this certainly includes any contract between Cabot Learning Federation and Man’s own bloody legal firm. Man, as a partner in the firm, would, undoubtedly, DIRECTLY FINANCIALLY BENEFIT from the lucrative work they’ve undertaken for the Federation.  We’re talking about large SIX-FIGURE PUBLIC CONTRACTS here too. Not a few extra quid for some largely pro bono work done as a favour.

Here at The Bristolian we’re now on standby waiting for a fatuous THREATENING LETTER from REALE WASSOCK WANKARDS that will no doubt be charged – maybe at up to £100 an hour? – to the public purse that Man controls.

This aimless legal drivel will, no doubt, result in, at least, a few more hundred quid of public money being shovelled into the grasping hands of Man and his firm and out of our kids’ education budget.

Anyway, nice to know we’re paying to keep posh blokes in pinstripe suits in their upmarket homes isn’t it?  – KERCHING!

NEXT UP: DODGY OLD TEACHERS RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: CHILD TORTURER RON RITCHIE OBE

DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #1 THE CHILD KILLER

peterprice

This spiv is running our schools

Meet Peter “HIGH” Price. He’s a director of the Cabot Learning Federation, which runs a load of schools in Bristol including Bristol Brunel Academy, John Cabot Academy, Hanham Woods Academy, Kings Oak Academy and Bristol Metropolitan Academy.

Price is also a systematic CHILD ABUSER. He happily oversees a cruel disciplinary regime at his schools called “ISOLATION“. Basically Price permits his senior bosses to detain children in an empty room on their own with nothing to do all day for minor breaches of his silly school rules.

We believe this revolting practice of imprisoning children against their will is an abuse of these children’s HUMAN RIGHTS and should be classed as child abuse. We also believe the perpetrators of such crimes should be being INVESTIGATED by the authorities. Does any parent out there believe they would not be subject to investigation if they forcibly shut their child away on their own in a room all day with nothing to do?

However, we doubt criminality really bothers “Right” Price that much. Because, in his day job, Price is a senior executive in ROLLS ROYCE‘s “Defence Aerospace business sector”. This means he basically designs and builds weapons that blow – mainly Middle Eastern – kids up for big, BIG BUCKS!

In comparison to being murdered from 30,000 feet by one of Price’s state-of-the-art WAR PLANES, being put in “isolation” for the day is not much of a big deal is it? A rather small crime against humanity that can be overlooked in Price’s alternative moral universe perhaps?

Peter’s shitty little company, Rolls Royce, meanwhile, are fighting off accusations of “multi-billion dollar BRIBERY and KICK-BACK schemes” in just the US, Indonesia, China, Brazil and India at present!

So is this character, a senior boss in an extraordinarily DODGY INDUSTRY steeped in murder, bribery, corruption and the dark arts, really morally fit to run our schools? And is this ARMS PROFITEER really capable of sound judgement? Especially when you consider he’s dedicated his whole life to designing machines able to kill substantial numbers of children more efficiently.

The Bristolian says Price out now! We want school bosses who deal in humanity not death.

COMING SOON: DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #2 THE DODGY LAWYER FUNNELING SIX FIGURE SUMS OF PUBLIC MONEY FOR EDUCATION INTO HIS FIRM

Ooh, er missus: LEGAL THREAT OF THE DAY

Dean

Oily or wot?

Another day, another legal threat … This one comes courtesy of Dean “SHIFTY” Blake, an oily looking character in a cheap pin stripe suit.

Dean styles himself “Communications Manager, Cabot Learning Federation” and appears to be touting for private business for himself using a picture of David Cameron, here, on a website entirely paid for by tax payers allegedly to promote, er, educating our kids.

Microsoft Word - Cabot.docx

Oily PR for hire ..

Anyway, it seems cry baby Dean is upset with this amusing little photo we published recently:

Brunel Academy

Although please note, he doesn’t dispute the content of our story on the Bristol Brunel Academy, published here.

Anyway, here’s Dean’s soppy little threat to us in full:

Dear Sir

This photograph is the property of Bristol Brunel Academy. Neither the Academy, nor those featured in the picture, have given their permission for the photograph to be used in this way. Please remove the photograph from your website as soon as possible for the following reasons:

1. Infringement of copyright; Bristol Brunel Academy own this picture
2. Safeguarding of staff and students
3. Defamation of character in regard to the member of staff

If this image has not been removed within 24 hours of this message being posted, we will escalate proceedings via our legal team.

Ooh! Fighting talk! It’s always a good idea to threaten us!

Although, in the first place, if there’s a “safeguarding” issue with this photo, maybe Dean should not have published it along with all the other photos of kids on his own public website? Or does he only use the safe bit of the internet?

So here’s our response to Dean:

Hi Dean, you soppy little PR plonker,

If you wish to send us legal threats then please do it through a fucking lawyer. We’re hardly likely to take any notice of some witless, half-educated wannabe PR bloke in a cheap pin stripe suit are we?

In the meantime, can we suggest you and the rest of your Cabot Learning Federation fuck off and get on with educating our children properly rather than picking a fight with a local news service who are simply pointing out that you’re abusing children. Last time we looked, locking people away against their will was an abuse of their human rights. We suggest you stop it.

Finally, please note, any “legal” correspondence sent to us will be immediately posted online so that we can all howl with laughter at it. We also reserve the right to put in FoI requests to find out how much of our money – meant for the education of our kids – will be handed over to a provincial Temple Quay law firm to argue aimlessly with us over a comedy photo.

In the meantime, thanks for keeping this story rolling for us. Top PR work mate!

We look forward to hearing from your non-existent “legal team”.

Regards,

Oh happy days …

NOT CLEAN, NOT GREEN

explosive-art-1434120503Bristol’s time as European Green Capital is not going at all well when it comes to the cleanliness of the city’s streets.

Even before the start of Green Capital year, Bristol had an unenviable reputation as the dirtiest place in the West of England. Government statistics reveal that in 2013/14, 10,472 incidents of fly-tipping were reported to Shitty Hall. This compares with 1,258 over the same period for South Gloucestershire and a mere 413 for Bath & NE Somerset.

Things haven’t improved much with the advent of the elite greenwash bunfight either. While the city’s great and good slap each others’ backs over their pretended environmental credentials, Bristolians from Lawrence Hill to Lawrence Weston are complaining about unacceptable levels of litter and fly-tipping in their areas.

But it’s not just in north Bristol that the locals are concerned about filth on the streets and the city in general. South of the Avon too, residents are complaining that fly-tipping is being made worse by the lack of a household waste recycling centre in Hartcliffe. The main reason there isn’t one is that the proposal that is being opposed by Mayor George Ferguson.

Presumably he thinks it’s acceptable for people in south Bristol to drive miles across the city to Avonmouth or St Philips, adding to the city’s congestion and pollution? Nice one George!

And when it does take action against litter louts and fly-tippers, there’s only one word to describe the council’s response – pathetic. Since 2010 only 120 people have been fined or taken to court by the city council for dropping litter, while in the BS5 area – one of the city’s hotspots – enforcement action has been taken against only 32 people.

This low level of enforcement is due to one major reason: council staff cuts. Before 2010 Bristol had a complement of 10 so-called ‘streetscene enforcement officers’ to deal with fly-tipping, litter, fly-posting, dog fouling and other such banes of modern urban living. These 10 officers were assisted in their work by 2 technical support/admin staff and a streetscene enforcement manager whose only other remit was to manage 3 dog wardens.

Following the 2010 general election and George Ferguson’s election as mayor the city was promised “no cuts to frontline services”. Yet the streetscene enforcement team has since consistently lost staff and no replacements recruited. The team is now down to 4.7 officers only and managed by a man with no knowledge of environmental legislation or how to investigate and prosecute a case.

Is it any wonder that reported fly-tips in the city more than doubled over the period in which the team has been more than halved?

The word from the streets is that this situation is unlikely to improve in the near future. Since August waste management and street cleansing have been taken back in house after Kier/May Gurney walked away from their contract with the council pleading lack of profitability despite doing a crap job and BCC never penalising them for doing so.

CUT THE POLICE

Things have got so bad even the OLD BILL are having to face cuts to services, just like the rest of us. Senior coppers have been on my radio bemoaning the fact that the days of the “BOBBY ON THE BEAT” are over (I’m feeling a bit safer already).

Don’t fret too much though. There will always be enough of them to kick your head in if you have the audacity to COMPLAIN about the system we are living under.

Just try demonstrating against poverty, the dismantling of our health service or bombing some corner of the world and loads of Old Bill will turn up, armed to the teeth ready to do you some real damage. All on fucking OVERTIME of course.

Not even Thatcher cut the thin blue line. Politicians need someone to defend their right to take the piss. However, the Old Bill have come up with a CUNNING PLAN to try to cover their budget cuts and it involves you.

One young man contacted the Bristolian about a fine. He was caught parking where he was not supposed to. He put his hands up – to save getting tasered – and accepted an on-the-spot fine. The copper assured him it would only be £100, roughly a month’s child benefit.

A few days later he got a bill for £400. This amounted to the original fine, £200 court costs and £100 ‘VICTIM SURCHARGE’. So yellow fucking lines are victims now are they?

Since he had not been anywhere near a COURT and had accepted his guilt, he did the rational thing and contacted the Avon and Somerset Police to explain their mistake. Only to be told they were sending the bailiffs around.

He explained that he lived with his Mum and Dad so then they demanded his car! They couldn’t have that either. It was on finance and therefore still owned by the garage.

Once the Old Bill had finished trying to mug the distraught teenager, they admitted that he had the RIGHT TO APPEAL. This is ongoing.

Avid readers of The Bristolian will remember that in some parts of Bristol – the poor parts basically – VICTIMS have to investigate their own burglaries and criminal damage. Plod will arrive, give you a crime number and blithely tell you to keep your eyes peeled and let them know if you find out anything.

They’re obviously far too busy seizing people’s property to pay for fines for misdemeanours to worry about burglary. Just try pleading not guilty these days, and see how much that will cost you. But that’s another story.

Have you been a victim of this type of state mugging? Drop us a line on one of the contact addresses and we will deal with it in confidence.