Monthly Archives: January 2016

LEGAL NEWS aka Dean Blake’s ‘Crisis PR management’ update

Our man who bothers to pay attention to media law draws our attention to this story on the BBC:

Parody copyright laws set to come into effect

What it basically says is that a European Copyright Directive now allows the use of copyright material for parody so long as it is fair and does not compete with the original version.

And here is that amendment in English law:

And what this means is that if Cabot Learning Federation wish to take action against us in regards to their alleged copyright of this image …

… Then they’re going to have to take us to court and persuade the judge it isn’t funny!

What a day in court that will be. Book your seats now!

DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #2 THE LAWYER FUNNELING PUBLIC FUNDS INTO HIS PRIVATE FIRM

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Con “Man”

Step forward Cabot Learning Federation director, Con “MAN” Alexander, who also happens to be a partner in one of Bristol’s many second rate provincial law firms, REALE WASSOCK WANKARDS (surely Veale Wasborough Vizards? Ed.) This former advisor to the WEALTHY on TAX EVASION has now set himself up as a self-styled expert on charity law for the firm we understand.

Although we’d suggest that if you’re seeking quality advice on charity law, you might want to take your business elsewhere. Because a brief glance at the Cabot Learning Federation accounts for the last couple of years reveals that Man’s legal firm has TROUSERED a whopping £214,000 in fees courtesy of the very organisation Man is supposed to be objectively overseeing for us.

And just to be clear, these WHOPPING FEES being handed to Man’s legal firm, come directly from TAXPAYERS’ MONEY meant to be spent on our children’s education.

Of course, these types of huge payments to one of the Federation’s director’s own firms are clearly PRECLUDED by the Articles of Association of Cabot Learning Federation. Article 88 makes it perfectly clear that Man, as a director of this charity, which manages huge sums of public money on our behalf, should not have any financial interest in any contract the charity awards.

It’s also one of the most simple and BASIC RULES of charity governance that directors should not have a personal financial interest in any contract awarded by the charity they govern.

And this certainly includes any contract between Cabot Learning Federation and Man’s own bloody legal firm. Man, as a partner in the firm, would, undoubtedly, DIRECTLY FINANCIALLY BENEFIT from the lucrative work they’ve undertaken for the Federation. We’re talking about large SIX-FIGURE PUBLIC CONTRACTS here too. Not a few extra quid for some largely pro bono work done as a favour.

Here at The Bristolian we’re now on standby waiting for a fatuous THREATENING LETTER from REALE WASSOCK WANKARDS that will no doubt be charged – maybe at up to £100 an hour? – to the public purse that Man controls.

This aimless legal drivel will, no doubt, result in, at least, a few more hundred quid of public money being shovelled into the grasping hands of Man and his firm and out of our kids’ education budget.

Anyway, nice to know we’re paying to keep posh blokes in pinstripe suits in their upmarket homes isn’t it? – KERCHING!

NEXT UP: DODGY OLD TEACHERS RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: CHILD TORTURER RON RITCHIE OBE

DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #1 THE CHILD KILLER

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This spiv is running our schools

Meet Peter “HIGH” Price. He’s a director of the Cabot Learning Federation, which runs a load of schools in Bristol including Bristol Brunel Academy, John Cabot Academy, Hanham Woods Academy, Kings Oak Academy and Bristol Metropolitan Academy.

Price is also a systematic CHILD ABUSER. He happily oversees a cruel disciplinary regime at his schools called “ISOLATION“. Basically Price permits his senior bosses to detain children in an empty room on their own with nothing to do all day for minor breaches of his silly school rules.

We believe this revolting practice of imprisoning children against their will is an abuse of these children’s HUMAN RIGHTS and should be classed as child abuse. We also believe the perpetrators of such crimes should be being INVESTIGATED by the authorities. Does any parent out there believe they would not be subject to investigation if they forcibly shut their child away on their own in a room all day with nothing to do?

However, we doubt criminality really bothers “Right” Price that much. Because, in his day job, Price is a senior executive in ROLLS ROYCE‘s “Defence Aerospace business sector”. This means he basically designs and builds weapons that blow – mainly Middle Eastern – kids up for big, BIG BUCKS!

In comparison to being murdered from 30,000 feet by one of Price’s state-of-the-art WAR PLANES, being put in “isolation” for the day is not much of a big deal is it? A rather small crime against humanity that can be overlooked in Price’s alternative moral universe perhaps?

Peter’s shitty little company, Rolls Royce, meanwhile, are fighting off accusations of “multi-billion dollar BRIBERY and KICK-BACK schemes” in just the US, Indonesia, China, Brazil and India at present!

So is this character, a senior boss in an extraordinarily DODGY INDUSTRY steeped in murder, bribery, corruption and the dark arts, really morally fit to run our schools? And is this ARMS PROFITEER really capable of sound judgement? Especially when you consider he’s dedicated his whole life to designing machines able to kill substantial numbers of children more efficiently.

The Bristolian says Price out now! We want school bosses who deal in humanity not death.

COMING SOON: DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #2 THE DODGY LAWYER FUNNELING SIX FIGURE SUMS OF PUBLIC MONEY FOR EDUCATION INTO HIS FIRM

Ooh, er missus: LEGAL THREAT OF THE DAY

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Oily or wot?

Another day, another legal threat … This one comes courtesy of Dean “SHIFTY” Blake, an oily looking character in a cheap pin stripe suit.

Dean styles himself “Communications Manager, Cabot Learning Federation” and appears to be touting for private business for himself using a picture of David Cameron, here, on a website entirely paid for by tax payers allegedly to promote, er, educating our kids.

Oily PR for hire ..

Anyway, it seems cry baby Dean is upset with this amusing little photo we published recently:

Although please note, he doesn’t dispute the content of our story on the Bristol Brunel Academy, published here.

Anyway, here’s Dean’s soppy little threat to us in full:

Dear Sir

This photograph is the property of Bristol Brunel Academy. Neither the Academy, nor those featured in the picture, have given their permission for the photograph to be used in this way. Please remove the photograph from your website as soon as possible for the following reasons:

1. Infringement of copyright; Bristol Brunel Academy own this picture
2. Safeguarding of staff and students
3. Defamation of character in regard to the member of staff

If this image has not been removed within 24 hours of this message being posted, we will escalate proceedings via our legal team.

Ooh! Fighting talk! It’s always a good idea to threaten us!

Although, in the first place, if there’s a “safeguarding” issue with this photo, maybe Dean should not have published it along with all the other photos of kids on his own public website? Or does he only use the safe bit of the internet?

So here’s our response to Dean:

Hi Dean, you soppy little PR plonker,

If you wish to send us legal threats then please do it through a fucking lawyer. We’re hardly likely to take any notice of some witless, half-educated wannabe PR bloke in a cheap pin stripe suit are we?

In the meantime, can we suggest you and the rest of your Cabot Learning Federation fuck off and get on with educating our children properly rather than picking a fight with a local news service who are simply pointing out that you’re abusing children. Last time we looked, locking people away against their will was an abuse of their human rights. We suggest you stop it.

Finally, please note, any “legal” correspondence sent to us will be immediately posted online so that we can all howl with laughter at it. We also reserve the right to put in FoI requests to find out how much of our money – meant for the education of our kids – will be handed over to a provincial Temple Quay law firm to argue aimlessly with us over a comedy photo.

In the meantime, thanks for keeping this story rolling for us. Top PR work mate!

We look forward to hearing from your non-existent “legal team”.

Regards,

Oh happy days …

NOT CLEAN, NOT GREEN

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Bristol’s time as European Green Capital is not going at all well when it comes to the cleanliness of the city’s streets.

Even before the start of Green Capital year, Bristol had an unenviable reputation as the dirtiest place in the West of England. Government statistics reveal that in 2013/14, 10,472 incidents of fly-tipping were reported to Shitty Hall. This compares with 1,258 over the same period for South Gloucestershire and a mere 413 for Bath & NE Somerset.

Things haven’t improved much with the advent of the elite greenwash bunfight either. While the city’s great and good slap each others’ backs over their pretended environmental credentials, Bristolians from Lawrence Hill to Lawrence Weston are complaining about unacceptable levels of litter and fly-tipping in their areas.

But it’s not just in north Bristol that the locals are concerned about filth on the streets and the city in general. South of the Avon too, residents are complaining that fly-tipping is being made worse by the lack of a household waste recycling centre in Hartcliffe. The main reason there isn’t one is that the proposal that is being opposed by Mayor George Ferguson.

Presumably he thinks it’s acceptable for people in south Bristol to drive miles across the city to Avonmouth or St Philips, adding to the city’s congestion and pollution? Nice one George!

And when it does take action against litter louts and fly-tippers, there’s only one word to describe the council’s response – pathetic. Since 2010 only 120 people have been fined or taken to court by the city council for dropping litter, while in the BS5 area – one of the city’s hotspots – enforcement action has been taken against only 32 people.

This low level of enforcement is due to one major reason: council staff cuts. Before 2010 Bristol had a complement of 10 so-called ‘streetscene enforcement officers’ to deal with fly-tipping, litter, fly-posting, dog fouling and other such banes of modern urban living. These 10 officers were assisted in their work by 2 technical support/admin staff and a streetscene enforcement manager whose only other remit was to manage 3 dog wardens.

Following the 2010 general election and George Ferguson’s election as mayor the city was promised “no cuts to frontline services”. Yet the streetscene enforcement team has since consistently lost staff and no replacements recruited. The team is now down to 4.7 officers only and managed by a man with no knowledge of environmental legislation or how to investigate and prosecute a case.

Is it any wonder that reported fly-tips in the city more than doubled over the period in which the team has been more than halved?

The word from the streets is that this situation is unlikely to improve in the near future. Since August waste management and street cleansing have been taken back in house after Kier/May Gurney walked away from their contract with the council pleading lack of profitability despite doing a crap job and BCC never penalising them for doing so.

CUT THE POLICE

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Things have got so bad even the OLD BILL are having to face cuts to services, just like the rest of us. Senior coppers have been on my radio bemoaning the fact that the days of the “BOBBY ON THE BEAT” are over (I’m feeling a bit safer already).

Don’t fret too much though. There will always be enough of them to kick your head in if you have the audacity to COMPLAIN about the system we are living under.

Just try demonstrating against poverty, the dismantling of our health service or bombing some corner of the world and loads of Old Bill will turn up, armed to the teeth ready to do you some real damage. All on fucking OVERTIME of course.

Not even Thatcher cut the thin blue line. Politicians need someone to defend their right to take the piss. However, the Old Bill have come up with a CUNNING PLAN to try to cover their budget cuts and it involves you.

One young man contacted the Bristolian about a fine. He was caught parking where he was not supposed to. He put his hands up – to save getting tasered – and accepted an on-the-spot fine. The copper assured him it would only be £100, roughly a month’s child benefit.

A few days later he got a bill for £400. This amounted to the original fine, £200 court costs and £100 ‘VICTIM SURCHARGE’. So yellow fucking lines are victims now are they?

Since he had not been anywhere near a COURT and had accepted his guilt, he did the rational thing and contacted the Avon and Somerset Police to explain their mistake. Only to be told they were sending the bailiffs around.

He explained that he lived with his Mum and Dad so then they demanded his car! They couldn’t have that either. It was on finance and therefore still owned by the garage.

Once the Old Bill had finished trying to mug the distraught teenager, they admitted that he had the RIGHT TO APPEAL. This is ongoing.

Avid readers of The Bristolian will remember that in some parts of Bristol – the poor parts basically – VICTIMS have to investigate their own burglaries and criminal damage. Plod will arrive, give you a crime number and blithely tell you to keep your eyes peeled and let them know if you find out anything.

They’re obviously far too busy seizing people’s property to pay for fines for misdemeanours to worry about burglary. Just try pleading not guilty these days, and see how much that will cost you. But that’s another story.

Have you been a victim of this type of state mugging? Drop us a line on one of the contact addresses and we will deal with it in confidence.

WHITE RIOT

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On Saturday 24 October bemused Bristolians looked on in bewilderment as pitched battles were fought in the centre of Bristol. Anti-Fascists and their comrades were confronting British United Patriots, who were marching against youth homelessness, apparently.

Different gangs trotted about the city centre, trying to get their hands on the other side, while the Old Bill plodded about in close attendance. While we at the Bristolian have no time for fascist or right wing philosophy, we are also aware that there’s some similarities in the backgrounds of the belligerents.

Both sides are clear that the system does not work for the working class. Poverty is rampant and growing in these times of austerity. The welfare state is being dismantled and the rich are getting richer. In the meantime, the government, the bosses and the ruling class are telling us it’s all the fault of pesky immigrants, the sick and, of course, benefit scroungers.

This is where the two sides diverge. The right wing buy this and believe it. They can see the refugees and new arrivals to this country and blame them. Meanwhile the rich in their Bentleys and private jets don’t come anywhere near Knowle, Southmead or Kingswood. Neither exist to each other.

Take Sir Phillip Green who owns Topshop and British Home Stores among others. He also sits on the treasury select committee on tax evasion. You couldn’t make it up. He’s one of the biggest tax avoiders going. He’s said to have put £1.2 billion through his missus’s bank account. How many fucking giros does that add up to?

Most of these “proud to be British, buy British” multi-millionaires are up to a bit of tax avoidance while we scrabble about, white, black, British or foreign born, for dwindling resources, and jobs.

OK, we might do a bit of cash in hand work or buy some cheap baccy but this shrinks into insignificance in relation to what they have away. They can employ armies of accountants to help them squirrel away their cash. If you get caught it will be benefit sanctions, bailiffs and prison. But you all know this.

In the meantime, two sides of the white working class beat the crap out of each other on a Saturday afternoon. The Old Bill nick them while the ruling classes laugh their fucking heads off. Then court and heavy fine and the Old Bill can buy some more nice tasers to ensure that the system continues.

Shape up boys, who is the real enemy???

SOUTH BRISTOL BIRDWATCH

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Claims by birdwatchers in South Bristol that they’ve spotted a rare example of the LESSER TRUSTED REES in the Hartcliffe area have been debunked by experts.

“There were a couple of sightings of the Lesser Trusted Rees back in autumn 2012 in south Bristol,” explained our man at the RSPB, “but these were due to a seasonal appearance of a large flock of RED VOTE GRABBERS in the low lying Ashton Vale area, which the Rees can hide behind.

“South Bristol is not the Rees’s natural habitat. They tend to be intimidated by RED-TROUSERED ALBATROSSES in Bedminster/Southville and by resident COOTS in the Hartcliffe area. They much prefer the sunny uplands of the North and West of the city among the Great Gentrifying Geese, Wealthy Plovers and Peecee Warblers.

“Since we’re not anticipating the reappearance of any Red Vote Grabbers until early spring, it’s unlikely a Lesser Trusted Rees would appear before that. Although, even then, we doubt any Reeses would venture as far south as Hartcliffe.”

The RSPB does anticipate a busy spring of other bird rarities in south Bristol, however. These may include a strong showing of Yellow Sitting Ducks, an annoying gaggle of Green Tits and the odd Tory Twat.

GREASY POLE KID SAYS CORBYNITES “OLD AND LAZY”

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Bristol Labour Party’s vice chair HADLEIGH “MARGARET” ROBERTS has an interesting way of greeting new Labour Party members, who joined as part of the “Corbyn surge”, to his local Bristol West Constituency Party.

Margaret, a self-styled Labour “moderate” – or “RUTHLESSLY AMBITIOUS PUBLIC SCHOOLBOY” as they’re better known – has written a rather charming blog for his new members. Complaining that the newbies “were not the bright young things we were told to expect” before sniffily adding, “they are not in it for the hard slog.”

In other words, they’re all OLD AND LAZY and may not be too keen to run around promoting Margaret in the style to which he wishes to be accustomed. He then went on to claim, “most of these members were Greens and Socialists yesterday and will be tomorrow at the first opportunity.”

Good point. Why on earth would a socialist join and remain a member of Margaret’s pathetic version of the Labour Party? Do the fools not realise the Labour Party is a plaything for WEALTHY PRETTY BOYS in expensive suits? Socialists are the last thing you want around if you have a Westminster political career path in mind.

Perhaps Margaret, who was the parliamentary candidate for Thornbury earlier this year, will go far in the Labour party with this kind of attitude towards ordinary members, workers and – gasp! – socialists?

Although let’s hope none of these new members get wind of what he thinks of them. They might take offence and prevent the POSH PRAT being selected again.

That would be terrible wouldn’t it?

The BRISTOLIAN

“Smiter of the High and Mighty”

Monthly Archives: January 2016

LEGAL NEWS aka Dean Blake’s ‘Crisis PR management’ update

Parody copyright laws set to come into effect

DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #2 THE LAWYER FUNNELING PUBLIC FUNDS INTO HIS PRIVATE FIRM

DODGY BUSINESSMEN RUNNING OUR SCHOOLS: #1 THE CHILD KILLER

Ooh, er missus: LEGAL THREAT OF THE DAY

NOT CLEAN, NOT GREEN

CUT THE POLICE

WHITE RIOT

SOUTH BRISTOL BIRDWATCH

GREASY POLE KID SAYS CORBYNITES “OLD AND LAZY”