Tag Archives: Local elections

THE ELECTION SECTION

GREEN CLIFTON HORROR SHOW

The Bristolian newswire reveals that grim Green Tory Councillor for Clifton, Paula “Mickey” O’Rourke has withdrawn her celebrated resignation and will stand again next year as the posh ward’s greenwash candidate for business as usual.

Is this a plan to attempt to bring some centrist discipline to any Greens thinking about introducing any genuine left wing policies at Bristol City Council next year?

A suspicion not allayed by news that Mickey will be joined as a Clifton candidate by the Cotswold’s finest, Jerome “Unhinged” Thomas, an Oxbridge prat who quit as Green Clifton councillor in 2021 to spend more time with his property portfolio.

Jerome has been known to announce from the comfort of his million pound Clifton gaff that “we need a radical and changed approach to how we live in the world”.

We certainly do Jerome. Where shall we start?

CENTRIST AUTHORITARIAN BASTARD SHORTAGE

Confirmation arrives of the number of candidates each of the four largest parties stood in local elections across the South West in May. Tories were ahead with 677 candidates covering 92 per cent of seats, down from 96 per cent four years ago. The Lib Dems were on 581, 79 per cent, up from 74 per cent.

Labour had 348 candidates, 47 per cent, 6 per cent down. While the Greens were close to overtaking Labour, challenging in 329 seats, 45 per cent, up from 33 per cent. Rumours suggest Labour, despite riding high in the polls, are struggling to find candidates for elections in Bristol.

Are there no dishonest centrist authoritarian bastards lacking a moral compass out there in Bristol West?

THE BRISTOL BLOGGER’S ELECTION WATCH: COMMENTARY AND RESULTS

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Official election results are here

City Council Twitter feed is @BristolCouncil

BCC Live Webcast (from midnight) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaIwhm17tQs

10.00pm: Polls are closed!

From the Bone Blog:

AVONMOUTH LATEST: Steve Norman reports that he was able to flyer every house in the ward, turnout is up, and result expected between 12-3am.The result swill be a close call between local Tory turned ukip – SPUD MURPHY – and longtime Labour hatchet man John Bees…………both parties throwing waves of footsoldiers at it so Steve has a tough job.

10.40pm: more news on the city council election cock-up. Voters without polling cards were turned away from polling stations this morning as officers had not been supplied with full electoral registers. Wot a shambles. Can the Returning officer resign in the morning please?

10.50pm: ***BREAKING NEWS***

News emerging that City Director, Max Wide, is procuring an independent investigation into the conduct of fat boy Lib Dem Gary Hopkins. More news as we get it.

Hopkins has been spotted skulking around Knowle today with only Lib Dem loser “Steve “In A” Comer for company. No Lib Dem, including fellow ward councillor Chris Davies, will go near him!

11.05pm: Tory MP Charlotte Bacardi has been running around Avonmouth like a blue arsed fly (one of about a million currently in the area) trying to prop up her failing Green supporting candidate, Matt Melia from the “Norman Effect” and UKIP.

11.20pm: UKIP CRAP: polling 30% in results in Labour Sunderland. Rumoured to have won 2 seats in Woking.

11.35pm: BBC reporting national turnout at low to mid 30 per cent. The can’t be arsed win again.

11.50: Lib Dems on 3% down 15% in Sunderland. Ha, ha, ha wankers! May have to adjust my Bristol predictions …

12.15am: They’ve been describing Swindon as “very interesting” on the BBC!

Twitter gossip suggests UKIP could win in Brislington East!

Our so-called rival, Bristol 24/7, suggests we might get a result by 1.30am. So plenty of time for BCC to screw up yet …

12.40am: consensus apart from Labour supporters is that Labour are having an underwhelming evening. It’s all about UKIP.

12.45am: Bristol NW MP Charlotte Bacardi is at the count and exhibiting reading skills as she helps with the Avonmouth count. Presumably hers is a specific dyslexia relating to the completion of political donation forms only?

Steve Norman and entourage have been at the count over half an hour and haven”t decked anyone. This is a victory.

01.00am: Counting underway in Bristol. UKIP may take Hengrove! It’s Lab vs UKIP in Avonmouth. UKIP doing ‘OK’ in Kingsweston but possibly not good enough to win …

01.05am: Bristol West Lib Dem MP Stephen Williams and his entourage “look like the fucking Addams Family”. Their night is likely to be even more horrifying – ‘The Lib Dem Chainsaw Massacre’?

01.15am: results coming in from Birmingham. Bristol still dicking about.

01.20: Switch in Avonmouth. It looks like Tory vs UKIP. Labour’s “Bumbling” Bees “looks well pissed off”. Good.

01.30: Bristol 24/7 reports Tim Kent “may be safe”. Lid Dem meltdown not happening in Bristol. Shit, we’re a wishy-washy Lib Dem city aren’t we?

01.55: Our congenitally useless council appears unable to count ballot papers.

ITV are reporting, “there are precisely 24 tables and none are counting”!

02.00: Avonmouth, Brilington East and Hengrove “look good” for UKIP. This looks like aminor Bristolian political earthquake. Time for the left to rethink?

02.20: Bristol City Council has just confirmed “all the postal votes are in the building”. That’s the postal votes thst had to travel 2 miles from the Council House to the City Academy. It’s a shambles.

02.50: Result imminent?

03.00: that fucking gormless returning officer is blaming “technical problems in the counting of postal votes for delays”.

THE BRISTOL BLOGGER’S ELECTION WATCH: INTRO

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Right. Here’s my election intro’. Apologies for any errors but I can’t be arsed with doing too much research so I’ve just cobbled this together from the list of candidates and relied on my general knowledge. Please post any corrections to the comments.

I’ve no idea about majorities, swings and all the statistical stuff because it’s too boring for words and I really can’t be bothered to look it all up. Anyway, hopefully Paul Smith will pop along to bore us with all that stuff as the night proceeds …

My generalised predictions are: a good night for Labour; a disaster for the Lib Dems; a couple of seats for the Greens and – percentage wise – a good night for UKIP but probably no councillors. My dodgy ward predictions are below.

The wards to watch:

Avonmouth: a three way marginal between UKIP, Labour and the Tories. Plus it has the added ingredient of Steve “The Voice” Norman running as an independent. Steve’s unlikely to win but he may pull enough votes to affect the outcome. If Merchant Venturer apologist and all-round sell-out, Labour’s John Bees loses then Steve will consider it a victory and be back for more in 2016. I’ll call this for the Green voting Tory candidate, Matthew Melia.

Kingsweston: Experienced campaigner Terry Thomas running for UKIP. If they’re going to win anywhere it will be here. The other frontrunners are Tim Leaman (Lib) and Mike Thorne (Lab). Labour to win?

Southville: Greens are desperate to hold this and have brought back Charlie Bolton to fight it. Presumably Charlie wants in so that he can take up full time fagging duties at the Counts Louse for his public school friend, Mayor Fergo? Labour’s Celia Phipps is an entirely superfluous NHS middle manager. UKIP are running too. Green hold.

Knowle: Lib Dem fat tosser Gary Hopkins’ ward. He’s got to overcome a massive national swing and a considerable wave of personal hatred towards him in the ward to hang on. Seems unlikely so they’ll be champagne corks popping in Knowle tonight when Labour’s Chris Orlik romps home. UKIP are running.

Bishopston: Green target seat. They’re up against the Labour Party’s bullying social worker boss Eileen “Meanie” Means. So let’s all cheer her demise. Green gain.

Whitchurch Park: Lib Dem boss, Tim Kent’s patch. Under serious threat from a massive national swing against Lib Dems and local indifference. Up against a middle class gal from Bishopston, Alice Bouquet, just off the Labour Party’s machine politician production line. For some reason they think student politics is the way forward for a working class south Bristol ward. Whoever wins, we all lose. UKIP are running here too. Labour gain.

Redland: Independents for Bristol number one target despite the oddity Stella Perrett being their candidate. Perrett is an old Lib Dem and a former associate of Lib Dem paedo councillor John Astley and so is an odd choice for candidate. The Greens fancy this ward as they desperately triangulate ever further towards the Lib Dems (even down to having bent councillors) and the Lib Dems probably think they can hold on too. This is a test of the Lib Dem vote in their heartlands and will be a useful guide to Bristol West in the General Election next year. I’ve personally no idea who will win but I’ll say Lib Dem Hold.

And the others:

Bedminster: Labour cabinet member Mark Bradshaw’s backyard. He should hold easily.

Bishopsworth: Solid Conservative ward. IfB have local Jon Craig running. Labour gobshite Kye Dudd is running too but will come nowhere; Tory Kevin Quartley will hold.

Brislington East: Mike Wollacott for Labour will hold. UKIP running.

Brislington West: Lib Dem Peter Main has held the seat for years. Is it finally over? UKIP running. Labour unknown Rhian Greaves also running. Lib Dem hold.

Filwood: Labour’s Chris Jackson will hold this easily.

Hartcliffe: Mildly interesting as sitting Labour councillor Derek “Wanker” Pickup was deselected in favour of the youthful Naomi Rylatt. Rylatt is at least from south Bristol rather than imported from Bristol West to bore us all to death with student equalities bullshit. Labour hold.

Henbury: Labour hold for Rosalie Walker. The ward is actually held by Tory idiot Mark Weston, the former chair of the useless audit committee. He personally oversaw the disappearance of hundreds of thousands of pounds and the bullying of whistleblowers trying to expose this. Deserves to lose. Labour gain.

Hengrove: This is between Lib Dem councillor Sylvia Doubell and Labour challenger Yvonne Clapp. UKIP are running. Labour gain?

Henleaze: Lib Dem Clare Campion-Smith should hold this. Another Lib Dem heartland seat. If they lose this then Bristol West MP Stephen Williams is in trouble. UKIP are running.

Horfield: Formerly a solid Lib Dem seat. Can Chery Ann hold on to this Bristol West Lib Dem heartland seat? I haven’t got a clue. UKIP running. Lib Dem hold.

Lockleaze: Lib Dem Sean Emmett is doomed. Gill Kirk for Labour will win this. UKIP running.

Southmead: Jenny Smith, who appeared senile when I met her about 20 years ago, remains the Labour candidate and she will win. UKIP running and it will be interesting to see how they get on.

St George West: Labour’s Peter Hammond’s seat. The fact he’s been living in Manchester for at least 6 months while claiming councillor expenses seems to have passed everyone by. IfB have a candidate – Jane Westhead. Labour without Hammond will hold.

Stockwood: David Morris will hold this for the Tories

Stoke Bishop: Tory John Goulandris will hold. UKIP running.

Westbury: Tory Alastair Watson will hold. UKIP running.

Windmill Hill: Lib Dem Andrew Brown is taking over a big majority from retiring old fart Alf Havock. The hugely entertainingly named Sam Mongon is running for Labour. UKIP running too. Lib Dem hold.

And finally, with the highly public sacking and humiliation of Returning Officer and Chief Solicitor, Stephen “Lycra” McNamara last year for a general level of unbelievable incompetence, we have a new, untried Returning Officer, “God” Zilah Morris. It will be interesting to see if she can continue Lycra’s grand tradition of lost ballots, lost ballot boxes, late counts, creative arithmetic and all-round cock-up.

Early signs are promising as we’ve already had reports of polling stations with incomplete and missing electoral registers.

That should help prevent any fraud! Ho, ho!

THE GARY HOPKINS ANTI-BULLY ELECTION (BAND)WAGON! Pt 2

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It’s full steam ahead for ‘the Gary Hopkins anti-bully election (band)wagon’!

It just keeps on getting better. A fabulous new poster was unveiled today:

Plus a brief motorcade across College Green where some of the new posters were hand-delivered to the Counts Louse. If only all election campaigns were like this …

JUST IN! THE GARY HOPKINS ANTI-BULLY ELECTION (BAND)WAGON: THE MOVIE

THE GARY HOPKINS ANTI-BULLY ELECTION (BAND)WAGON!

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A fascinating vehicle has appeared cruising around Knowle dedicated to that legendary local loudmouth, Lib Dem councillor Gary Hopkins. It’s certainly an interesting addition to the local elections but what does it all mean?

We’ve no idea if any of it’s true but here’s the text we’ve lovingly copied from one of its posters anyway:

THE TRUTH ABOUT BULLY BOY HOPKINS

1) HE HAS DUBIOUS LINKS TO A COMPANY CALLED LANDVEST. A COMPANY BASED IN THE ISLE OF MAN – A TAX HAVEN. THIS COMPANY IS BUYING UP LAND IN KNOWLE AND SELLING IT ON TO MAKE HUGE PROFITS.

2) HOW DOES A LOCAL COUNCILLOR GET TO OWN A LUXURY VILLA IN SPAIN?????

3) MR HOPKINS IS A LIAR HE APPROACHES CONSTITUENTS AND GETS THEM TO LIE TO FULFIL HIS OWN AGENDA. HE HAS LIED BY STATING THE LABOUR CANDIDATE LIVES IN TOTTERDOWN WHEN IN FACT HE LIVES IN KNOWLE” DOES MR HOPKINS NEED A SAT NAV OR AZ OF BRISTOL?

4) FACT MR HOPKINS HAS BEEN SEEN LETTING HIS DOG FOUL REDCATCH PARK. DOES HE CLEAN UP THE EXCREMENT? NO!

And here’s a close up photo of one of the posters – happy voting!

LOCAL ELECTIONS: CASHING IN ON DEMENTIA

AVONMOUTH PLAGUE SHOCKER!!!

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We might have rid Avonmouth of human excrement but the the mayor and the Merchant Venturer’s plan to turn Avonmouth into a hell-hole unfit for human habitation continues apace as they now attempt to visit plague upon the area!

But let’s let everyone’s favourite independent council election candidate take up the story from here (and leave you to ponder what the actual representatives for the area do apart from bank cheques from the port company …)

From: s-norman123@hotmail.co.uk
To: mayor@bristol.gov.uk;
CC: zoe.sear@bristol.gov.uk
Subject: RE: plague of flies
Date: Thu, 15 May 2014

Dear George,

Once again I have to email regarding a new public health problem in Avonmouth created by your good old buddies and Merchant Venturer friends Mr D Ord and Mr T Mordant (aka the Bristol Port Company).

These being the very same people that you want to gift the freehold of the port to at a knock down price of £10 Million. It would appear that they have now begun with their master plan of polluting Avonmouth in the last 48 hours by infesting the area with flies – a carrier of bacteria & disease-causing organisms.

£10m is cheap at half the price to wipe out the human habitation in Avonmouth, Shirehampton and Lawrence Weston!

Now, let’s bring in to the equation overpaid environmental health officers who have – from the information I am currently receiving from local residents – been inundating environmental health with complaints. Moreover, it’s not just residents complaining but also a number of businesses.

The local residents are being told “Of Course We Will Come out and Fumigate Your Home”. Sounds great so far – just like someone selling you a place in paradise. But don’t be silly, we’re talking BCC here. So then comes the famous BCC catch phrase, “you will have to pay for this service”!

Can you or your officers please clarify why the residents should pay for the privilege of being infested by flies when it is a problem created by your good old buddies Mr Ord & Mr Mordant, people who are making millions from the port and causing nothing but misery to residents with their continued expansion into dangerous cargoes such as Biomass?

The infestation has been caused by biomass material stored and exported from N Shed, where in the last 36 – 48 hours a cargo has been loaded on to a ship. In view of the fact that BCC have a holding in Bristol Port Company with a Non-Executive Director could you ask your Merchant Venture Friends if they will be refunding the lease holder of the Avonmouth Tavern, Portview Road – which is closest to the facility ‘as the dust flies’ – the £120.00 she has had to pay for two fly sapping machines and any loss of trade caused by this infestation?

I am also aware that the Miles Arms Public House had to seek fumigation yesterday and, in addition, the following business has had an infestation – the Royal Hotel on Gloucester Road. I am also being informed the local Health Centre and Costco Wholesale have been infested although I am not able to confirm this at this precise moment in time.

I think it would be prudent at this stage to bring in to the equation the biomass plant approved by BCC planners that the Bristol Port Company are going to allow Helios to build at the end of the eastern arm of the port. This will be using the same material currently being exported, which is causing the problem, only on a much larger scale. 850,000 tonnes per year – that’s a lot of flies.

Furthermore, going on information received I believe the unloading and storage facility will be close to the residential area of Avonmouth on the site of the old Co-Op Flour Mill which has recently been pulled down.

George, I think it is time for you to go on a jolly to Chernobyl and get that twinning certificate.

Will you or your office please clarify what your officers are doing to get this problem under control? May I also remind you flies lay little eggs and unfortunately it is not chickens that come out of them.

In light of this serious problem and the health issues created by such an infestation, will BCC waive all charges to local residents who contact environmental health seeking assistance? Maybe the Bristol Port Company will assist with these costs to the BCC environmental health budget?

Although I expect their answer will be buy fly killer or it’s not down to us.

I look forward to your immediate response in light of the misery this is currently causing local residents and businesses. Failing a satisfactory conclusion, a number of residents have informed me that they are quite prepared to put a fly infestation in to the offices of the Bristol Port Company and City Hall. Obviously this would take a little time as they would have to breed them from scratch.

Without wishing to sound facetious you are the divine power and can make this happen.

Yours Sincerely

Mr Stephen Norman

*********STOP PRESS**********

Bristol City Council Environmental Health have CONFIRMED the infestation has been caused by BIOMASS

TORY SAYS “VOTE GREEN” AND WANTS AVONMOUTH IN THE SHIT!

AVONMOUTH LABOUR IN TRUTH SENSATION

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Friend of The BRISTOLIAN, Steve Norman announcing, in the latest issue of The BRISTOLIAN, his candidature for Avonmouth at the forthcoming local elections on 22 May seems to have galvanised his Labour opponent, John “BUMBLING” Bees into some action.

And Bumbling Bees’ first move? Why, to send some direct mail to er, Steve Norman!

We’ve faithfully reproduced this incredible piece of political communication below. But what’s going on? Has Bumbling Bees been poisoned with truth serum? Or is this a case of late onset common sense from Bees?

You can go and meet meet Steve on Friday 25 April and Saturday 3, 10 and 17 May outside the Co Op in Shire and pick up a proper leaflet.

Click on image for pdf version.

UPDATE: Bristol Labour Party have informed us the above letter is an “accidental misprint”. Here’s the letter that should have gone out to Steve : Bees letter (pdf)

LOCAL ELECTIONS: LIB DEMS IN ANTI-JOCK SHOCK!

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Desperate Eastville Lib Dem candidate, Steve Comer, the WEIRDO WITH THE PUDDING BASIN HAIRCUT who’s surely already assured a place in the dustbin of history, has resorted to pointing out his Labour opponent is SCOTTISH in a last ditch effort to get some votes and retain his seat.

Two years ago the Lib Dems were phoning Eastville residents to tell them the Labour candidate was a Muslim. Now this. How long before the Lib Dems start calling their opponents ‘coconuts’?

Oh, hang on a minute …