Tag Archives: Mike Norton

ST MARVIN’S PARISH NEWS #19

You may have read in the local newspapers that the scourge of institutional racism is stalking the pews of St Marvin’s. The first thing to understand about all this is that none of this is my fault. Neither is it the fault of the executive head of the Parish Committee, the entirely non-racist Mr Jackson, or any other of my highly competent and equalities-positive senior leaders of our inclusive church project. This is a fact confirmed in a secret report you don’t need to see that I commissioned from my friend, The Very Reverend Holy Poonami

This has all been explained to Mr Norton, the editor of the St Marvin’s Post and one of our parish’s outstanding social liberals and anti-racists who assures me he has a lot of black friends. He now firmly agrees with myself and the Holy Poonami that the blame for all this racism at St Marvin’s lies firmly within the congregation, especially among those occupying the middle pews on Sundays. And rest assured, our inclusive parish leadership team are fully dedicated to efficiently shifting the blame for this problem on to these people as quickly as possible now that the newspapers have found out.

Further strategic responses you can expect from a wholly innocent and unaware inclusive parish leadership team will be an ongoing commitment to building a diverse parish by repeating language such as ‘inclusive’, ‘diverse’ and ‘outward looking’ as much as possible. This should allow inclusive parish leaders to continue to flourish despite acutely embarrassing accusations from the media.

In partnership with Mr Jackson and the senior parish leadership team, I will also continue to regularly publish waffle about our organisational values; ramble on about a parish journey of continuous improvement and, naturally, improve the robustness of our all-important equality impact assessments that nobody ever looks at.

You will also be excited to hear that the inclusive leadership team will ensure that the next Parish survey – due out soon – includes a section dedicated to you better understanding our outward-looking parish culture and religious environment. This will specifically address issues of fairness, equality, inclusion and diversity that many parishioners are struggling to spout as professionally as our inclusive parish leaders can.

Alongside our mission to place the blame elsewhere, I’m sure you will agree this is a hugely robust response from your inclusive parish leadership team. As my mentor the Texan psychotic preacher and notorious anti-communist homophobe, the Pastor Righteous Loon says in his new ‘Book of Loon’, “When caught red-handed, profess thy undying innocence, buy in a report and blame those who can’t answer back”.

Finally a small word about these so-called “whistleblowers” who spoke to the press. In future can anyone identifying as a “whistleblower” contact the inclusive parish leadership team immediately? We are all extremely skilled in managing these problems in line with our inclusive parish leadership goals and, often, our inclusive goals conflict with the goals of the ungodly free press. Please note that “whistleblowers” who fail to comply with this simple instruction may come to regret it.

Hopefully, with such a robust inclusive leadership response now in place, the parish can move swiftly along and not dwell on this overblown media confection for too much longer.

The Vicar

NAZI LIST SHAME OF ‘POST’

That old Evening Post masthead in all its spittle-flecked glory!

That old Bristol Post masthead in all its spittle-flecked glory!

Oh my aching sides… Post editor Mike ‘No Balls Goebbels’ Norton and his crack news team (three interns plus his nephew on work experience) are backing an Avon & Somerset Constabulary campaign against ‘anarchists’.

It follows the £16 million-worth of ‘little local difficulties’ recently experienced at the PFI police gun shack near Portishead – currently just a smouldering heap – which led Gollum-like Chief Constable Nick Gargan and former pastie-dealing Police & Crime Commissioner Sue Mountstevens to announce a big crackdown on “DOMESTIC EXTREMISTS”.

The low-key announcement by the cops – buried in a single paragraph on page six of a 35 page presentation to the council – that they were about to wage war against “DE criminals” was just the greenlight Goebbels – who fancies himself as a sort of local version of Jeremy Clarkson by way of General Pinochet – needed to work up a good frothy rant.

Anarchists now join NIMBYs, cyclists, anti-supermarket campaigners, crusties, socialists, feminists, environmentalists, vegetarians, young people, drug users, clubbers, hippies, students, the jobless, the poor, the elderly, those with disabilities and anyone off a council estate on Goebbels’ growing LIST OF HATE.

It’s starting to look like his enthusiasm for football stadiums extends beyond an interest in sporting prowess.

It might be easier for Goebbels to state simply what he’s in favour of – or should he save himself the bother and just stick a swastika on the front of his newsletter?

RED AND BLACK SCARE!

Avon and Somerset Police force have been FAILING SPECTACULARLY to catch a group or groups of anarchists responsible for a string of arson attacks in and around Bristol for the last few years.

In the latest twist they’ve decided because they can’t catch the people responsible they’re going to pick on people not responsible and threaten anyone associated with anarchism, protest or recent riots. This RED-AND-BLACK SCARE has begun before police have even finished their investigation!

Well, our very own beloved riot-supporting Mayor Fergo was at the Bristol Anarchist Book Fair in April getting in to trouble. Will he be raided any night soon? Arrested for being posh in possession of red trousers?

The Post is of course backing the MAD WITCH HUNT. The ‘Tesco riot’, if you believe the police/Post line, is that the whole thing was organised by anarchists with a one-in one-out door policy. So the riot wasn’t anything to do with the cops invading a busy area full of drunken punters on a bank holiday during a heatwave? Why not evict the squat at 6 on Monday morning? Then you wouldn’t have needed the small army they had there that night either.

http://www.bristolanarchistbookfair.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Tesco-closed.jpg

The Post is now jumping at the chance to see some KIDS CHUCKED IN PRISON for 5 years in the wake of the scare as that’s all that what will happen. They wont get the arsonists. They’ll get any ‘anarchists’ to make us all feel safe.

The whole scare sounds like desperation. They’ve not had any evidence to nick the small arsonist cell so they’re opening up their investigation to anyone they can pin anything on in the last few years who may have stood near the word ANARCHIST.

‘Mad’ Mike Norton, editor of the Post, says we should support the police in their crackdown on ‘domestic extremists’. The BRISTOLIAN says support your local anarchists and troublemakers…

Otherwise it could be you next!

TROUGH OVERSEAS AGAIN! FERGO’S JET-SET MAYORALTY RACKS UP THE AIRMILES

Mayor’s expensive Euro jaunt habit exposed

Millionaire mayor George Ferguson - globetrotting on your Council Taxes so you don't have to

Millionaire mayor George Ferguson – globetrotting on your Council Taxes so you don’t have to

Following last issue’s story on His Royal Redness’ conference-hopping jaunts around Europe, it has emerged that Mayor George Ferguson cost local people a WHOPPING £126,000 on one trip alone!

Information obtained by The BRISTOLIAN details how independently wealthy Fergo took a TWENTY-STRONG ENTOURAGE with him on his recent junket to Cannes, further fuelled by nearly £35,000-worth of ‘business sponsorship’ taking the total cost up to an astounding £161,000.

With £20k contributed directly by Bristol City and South Gloucestershire councils, the balance – just shy of £107,000 – was funnelled through various BCC front organisations. These include ‘Invest in Bristol’ and ‘Bath and the Local Enterprise Partnership’, both of which – entirely by coincidence – have Bristol City Council addresses. So, fellow Bristolian, you footed the bill!

Mayor Gorgeous has already rebuffed any criticism of this fatuous trip and its cost as “trivial” – because obviously one hundred low income households’ yearly council tax payments are mere “trivia” to George and his wealthy eurotrash business pals. And if you’re wondering why the Evening, sorry, Bristol Post has been so quiet about this executive troughing farce, you might be interested to hear that its editor Mike Norton also went along for the ride!

Your favourite super sleuthing scandal sheet can also reveal that Mayor George gallivanted off on another Euro-trip last month. With at least one person from Bristol Green Capital, he popped to Switzerland for three days where they POLISHED THEIR BACKSIDES on plush conference seats for €540 a throw at Geneva’s Conference on Sustainable Towns and Cities.

The conference also included an invite-only trip to the opera – Puccini’s three hour bore-fest, Madama Butterfly, performed by the Houston Grand Opera – though it’s not clear whether George attended this or just settled for the Fondue Gala Dinner, which provided the opportunity “to mingle in an informal setting and discuss the issues of the day.” Like, er, Europe-wide austerity measures!

When anyone questions the cost of all his away-days at our expense, the millionaire mayor Fergo seems to bristle with rage, as with his recent Twitter outburst over Freedom of Information requests – such as the as-yet unanswered one relating to his Geneva jolly. Similarly George wails that he was in Geneva “creating jobs”, which tells us how just far departed from reality he now is, seeing as he’s not created any jobs at all – but actually cut 300 jobs in his last budget.

We think the jet lag from all this travelling abroad at our expense might finally be taking its toll – can you get deep vein thrombosis of the brain?